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Real Name: Emma
D.O.B: 30/08/1987
Status: Single
Orientation: Straight
Eye Colour: Blue
Hair Colour: Blonde
Fav Colours: Black, Red, Purple, Blue
Siblings: 2 Sisters (Kayleigh - 23 And Sam - 18)
Smoke: No
Drink: Occasionally


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Wednesday, December 08, 2010
a world far far away.......

Im in pain because of the ice, i slipped and felll and bashed my left side so it really hurts. I really hate snow and i hate it even more when it turns to ice. Every morning i look outside hoping that it would just disappear but still no luck, dosnt seem to be going anywhere for a while.

I have a Christmas job that will end on Christmas Eve. Its at Clinton Cards, its not a bad job but wuuldn't want to work there forever. The people who work there are nice, well to talk to at work probably wouldnt keep in touch when i finish. I'm only doing 16 hours so ts not really going to payoff what ive spent on myt or i ay just do it we'll see. I do prefer working on the til to stocking or walking around the floor the till is fun.

Even those 16 hurs dont really fill up my week, i still come home alone. I sit in my room watching tv shows, making graphics, wrting and i sometimes just sit staring into space thinking what if..what if i lived in a different world if i was somebody new, somebody who was less shy, not self concious, someone who could making friends easy and not sit aone in a room all of the time. It would be nice to not be so alone. Then i come back to reality and realize i cant change, i dont have the strength to change, so alone always i must be. And this makes me cry sometimes just sit and cry. Being slone and upset also make me eat so im gaining more weight which also effects my confidence. I dont know how to stop being like i am.

Its almost christmas the one day i wont be alone and i may actually have fun with my family. But the day goes by pretty fast and then i'l be stuck in my room again alone and without ajob. I'm almost losing what little hope i had for a nice life. but maybe there is still a spark left and maybe i will change. Only the future will tell.

Friday, July 02, 2010
Hope?

I think i may have a little glimmer of hope appearing. My former boss is coming back up here for 1 or 2 weeks so i'll get some work from him, if he stays longer it would be better, so at least i can get a bit money which i desperatly need. But i dont think i can really rely on him for a more permenant position, i cant go wondering if im going to be jobless the next week or month, that is just too much stress and disappointment foe me. So i will be still looking for more jobs to try and find a more permenat position.

I'm just trying to forget about all the bad stuff and look forward to some good things comin up. My sis is treating me to edinburgh as an early bday present, we are getting the train up early so we can go to the zoo, dungeons, and some other places and then we are going to see David Strassman a ventriloquist that i love on the night so it should be an enjoyable day. And i also have my holiday in September, me my 2 sis's and sis bf are off to disneyland paris, which should be amazing, i just got my passport.

So like i said try and hold onto good things to get me through some of these tough times, and hopefully things will look up.

I'm off to look at a house with my mother today, since she is desperate to get out of here and away from her husband. The only ones she can try and get are ones without bonds or admin fees because she dosnt have that much money upfront. I just wish someone would hurry up and give her one so she can stop moaning. Or i hope gentoo give me a flat so i can get away from the moaning. I do enough of it myself so cant handle it from anyone else.

-sigh-

Tuesday, June 29, 2010
When will it look up?

I keep waiting for all this shit just to diappear, you know and for life to just a little bit look up, something, anything. After losing my job i just feel like i cant breath, like im suffocating. I cant afford to go anywhere, i have no friends to help me take my mind off it. 2 months and still no luck with the job searching, i sit in my room all the time, with mother and her husband constantly at each others throats, and mother keeps moaning to me, 'oh im so depressed, oh i feel like killing myself, im just meant to suffer, im just meant to be alone,' blah blah blah, i just nod and leave because if i speak i feel like im going to yell and scream at her, like 'you not the only one with fucking problems' i just dont know how much more of her i can take. Im waiting on gentoo for a flat, but even if i get one, i cant afford anything I Will get housing benifits for the rent, but food, gas, electricity? but you know i can suffer those anything to get out of here.

i just dont know what to do, everything is so hard, and i know moaning about it wont help, but i just feel like crying all of the time. When i got my job in October, things were looking up for the first time in a while, i was getting happier, my confidence was building up, and i was good at my job, i enjoyed it, but fate would have me feel misrable instead, the boss had to close down his barrow here, and so i was out of a job, and back to square one, everything the happy place, the confidence, everything just lost, and i feel like im falling and no one is going to catch me, and im just going no where, just an endless darkness

i was also losing weight which for me was a great thing that was also helping my happiness and confidence, but again when i lost my job, i started to eat, all of the crap that i stopped and now the weight is coming back on and .... i just need some light at the end of this tunnel, something to help me get back on the right track, someone to give me a chance at a job.

I can really only take so much.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Dragon : Story 1 : Prologue & Chapter 1

Prologue


“You can’t do this, its murder!” Chiron’s voice echoed through the great hall, he looked around as faces stared back at him. The great hall was a huge circular room with 12 thrones placed evenly apart, each was a dark mahogany colour with a symbol upon the head surrounded by small jewels. “It’s a necessary act, no one wants to do this but this sacrifice will save many more lives and protect our people now and for generations to come.” Samuel sighed as he rose from his throne and walked to Chiron who was standing in the centre of the great hall. “I know how difficult this will be for you, it will be difficult for a great many people who will lose someone, but you have seen all the death and destruction they can cause if the evil in them is brought out, we all thought this was a gift to our people given by the gods, but maybe it is a curse. We know the darkness is not in them all, well maybe not a first but we can’t risk innocent lives on a hope that they won’t turn, we need to protect our people, I’m sorry my friend.” Samuel returned back to his throne and sat down, Chiron’s anger began to rise and he did not return to his seat instead he stormed out of the great hall with fire in his eyes and fury in his heart

Chiron would not allow the council to do this, he would fight them, and he would not allow them to harm his son. Chiron travelled as fast as he could from the temple through the busy town to his home. Everyone he passed seemed happy and just going on as normal but he knew panic and fear would rise when news of the council’s plan spreads. Chiron sighed as he reached his home, Chiron was born into nobility and he rose high becoming a council member so he had great fortune and power but none of that was worth anything to the council, their plans would be carried out regardless, the kings themselves have ordered it.

Chiron got closer to the house and noticed the door had been broken open, he took out his sword and slowly approached the door and he stepped inside. There was broken furniture everywhere, one window was shattered and Chiron knew exactly what had happened, the council knew he would resist them so they took his son while he was with them in the council meeting; Chiron punched his hand into a wall. “They will pay for this; I will not allow this massacre to happen!” Chiron’s wife had died a few years earlier and now they have took his son, he was now alone and vowed that he would stop this from happening to other people and save his son before they harm him if he can.
Chapter One

Terrified screams were coming from all corners of the small town. Kaia looked on at the town with a guilt stricken face as she was standing at the edge of the forest, safe and just watching everyone running around panicking, some were in tears others in pain. Kaia knew she could do something to help these people but she did not want to reveal herself, she must try to lure him away from the town as she is. Kaia started walking toward the town, the screams were getting louder and she could make out some of the words now, “RUN!” “HIDE!” was heard amongst the screams. Many of the buildings in the town were on fire, Kaia could e the heat from the flames and the flames reflections were in her eyes but the reflection distorted as tears began to form in her eyes but she would not let them all. She felt sorrow for the bloodshed being spilt but she swore she would stop this and try to save these people as well as her own. Kaia entered the town and she saw a large shadow on the ground moving and covering the screaming people, everyone was changing the direction of their running when they saw the shadow, they dared not to look up,. They all just kept trying to run until they found safe haven, but Kaia knew there was none when the beast was after you. The further into the town she walked the more destruction she saw and the more dead bodies she saw. Kaia took a deep breath and continued walking until she came to a house that had not yet been touched by the beast.

Kaia felt such sadness when she saw a young girl huddled in a ball beside a crushed house she had tears running down her face and Kaia saw the sun reflecting in her tears. Kaia saw the large shadow on the ground moving closer to the girl, the young girl tilted her head up slightly and saw a great blue beast coming towards her flying at a great speed. The young girl screamed she seemed too afraid to run.

For a moment she just stared at this taking place but then she decided to go for the girl but before her feet left the ground the girl was suddenly swept up off the ground and onto a horse by a young man. He had short black hair, green eyes and a very handsome face; both Kaia and the young girl stared at him both completely forgetting all about the beast. Kaia snapped out of her daze when she saw him pull his sword, and then gallop past the beast, for a moment Kaia had thought he was going to challenge the beast. The beast did not care they rode past it; he just changed direction after other prey.

The beasts blue wings stretched out far, each wing must have been longer than a house and they sparkled in the sun as did the rest of its body, it was almost beautiful. The fire that the beast breathed was so hot that it killed in seconds and burned through buildings extremely fast. When the beast was flying the gust of wind from its wings was enough to blow any building over, it was like this beast was created for nothing but destruction. Kaia saw the soldiers around the town trying to fight the beast. The arrows kept flying up into the air and they would hit the beast’s body but its skin seemed to be as hard as the strongest metal and the arrows just bounced off. Kaia just shook her head in disappointment but then she had to realize this is the first they have saw of the beast and they had no knowledge of it or how to fight it and she knew they were no match for it anyway. Kaia saw them with their swords out waiting for the beast to get low enough, Kaia sighed. “The poor idiots are just going to get themselves killed;” she couldn’t help but say to herself. Kaia was just watching them try spears but none could throw them high enough and the beast would not come low enough for them to try again. She knew the beast was clever, he knew how to defend himself. The faces of the soldiers looked lost and beaten; they didn’t know what else to try.

Kaia closed her eyes as she needed to concentrate, she tried to clock out all the sounds, the screaming, and the cracking of the fires, everything until all she could hear was her own breathing and her own thoughts. Her mind was focused and clear so she opened her eyes and concentrated on the beast. Kaia just stared at him sparking in the sun and the world just seemed to slow down. “Pain” she said in a quiet voice, her eyes lowed red and suddenly the beast cried out in pain. It did not bring the beast down but he turned in Kaia’s direction and headed for her. She smiled and started to run out of town towards the mountains and the beast forgetting about the town followed her. Kaia had the beast’s full attention just as she wanted and was leading it away from the people.
Soon nightfall came and the people were left wondering why the beast left town heading for the mountains. No one knew why it had stopped its attack but they were using this bit of peace to their advantage. The soldiers were evacuating people, helping the injured and removing the dead. The soldiers had set up a small camp outside of the town until they decided what they were to do next.


**************

“This is the second small town in a matter of days, this beast must be stopped, thousands of people have already been killed.” Marcus paced around the tent he seemed so frustrated with the situation.
“Well we all know that Marcus but what do you suggest we do? We have lost countless men to the beast and our weapons do no good its skin is impenetrable, as hard as stone and it breaths fire. I fear nothing human can kill this beast.” Tidas’ voice crackled and has worn with age. Marcus turned towards Tidas “So what you want is for us just to give up? Is that your great plan Tidas? Just let it kill us all?” Marcus slammed his fist down onto the table letting out some of his anger. The wind started to pick up bowing onto the outside of the tent, it gradually got louder into a howling sound. All the men in the tent were wearing armour that looked worn, scratched and burned. They were all high ranking officers in the king’s army but they were not afraid to get their hands dirty like any other soldier in order to protect their people and their homes.

A voice came from the back of the tent. “There is another plan we could follow, there must be someone who knows something about this beast, it must have some weaknesses, it can’t have just appeared out of thin air.” The room sighed at the young man who came further into the light, “And where do you suppose we look for this person who has all this knowledge about the beast? And how we defeat it? What fantasy world shall we look in boy? Tidas ignited a small bust of laughter in the room. “It may be the only one of its kind and we may be the first to discover it. Why don’t you go and run off back to the palace and leave this to the real men Tristan.” Tidas sounded as if it were more of an order than a suggestion. “I’m not a child anymore old man, I’m here to help and I will be listened to as you would my father.” The anger in Tidas rose, his voice louder than normal, “NOW Listen here boy...”

“Enough!” a voice came from the shadows, then followed a man walking into the tent and like Tristan he had a handsome face but it had weathered with age and jet black her with brown eyes.”Well arguing doesn’t seem to be getting us anywhere,” They all bowed in honour of their king. “What is your plan my son? And we will at least listen to what you have to say.” King Atreyus join the circle of men in the tent for this discussion. “Well just attacking the beast doesn’t seem to be working we are just wasting men and weapons. We need to know what we are fighting and how to fight it. What we need are men to gather information, travelling the lands trying to find even the smallest bit of help. We need to see if the beast has attacked anywhere else and if we can where the beast came from, and if there are any ways to stop it, if I am wrong and no one anywhere knows anything about the beast we have wasted some time. If we ignore this and just keep attacking it we will waste some lives.” Marcus stepped up to Tristan.

“Boy, no man’s life is a waste, they all defend their homes and families, and they die with honour but perhaps you are right and a change of strategy is in order.” The other men nodded in agreement, Tidas hesitated but also nodded his agreement with his usual grim look upon his face. “Very well my son we shall try your plan, it seems there are no better ideas.” The king looked around the room at his best soldiers; Tristan stepped up to his father. “I would like to be one of the men sent out father.” Tristan sounded determined but King Atreyus shook his head, “No my son it is too dangerous you will stay here, do not worry the right men will be chosen for the task.” Tristan did not agree with this decision,

“Father I will be in much more danger here with that beast than I will be anywhere else, I’m not a child anymore I can take care of myself you made sure of that with all of my training, let me do this.” Tristan’s voice started to get calmer, “Please father, I’m the right man for this task.” King Atreyus sighed, “Let him go my king, the boy wishes to prove himself and protect his people he should be given this chance.” The other men stayed silent but nodded in agreement with Marcus. “He will only be in our way here anyway,” Tidas added with a small smile and King Atreyus agreed by nodding his head in approval. “Very well my son the task is yours, choose the other men you think best for the task and let us hope you do bring back some good news, as soon as you can.” Tristan smiled and nodded his head.


**************

Kaia was making her way into a cave on the side of the mountain, going deeper and deeper into the heart of the mountain; she could hear the heavy breathing of the beast echoing in the cave getting louder as it was getting closer. Since the sun had set and nightfall came it had become so dark, Kaia could barely see ahead of herself in the cave and she had no light to guide her. Kaia came to a huge circular room and she started to spin round to the direction she came in and saw a huge ball of fire coming her way lighting up the cave. Kaia dived to the floor as the fireball reached her and headed straight above her and hitting the wall on the far end of the room. There was a crackling sound and it seemed to have ignited an oil filled pouch running all along the wall, lighting up the whole room.

Kaia could now see everything in the well lit room; there were four statues placed around the room of two men and two women. Kaia moved towards the back of the room as the beast entered it, the fury was burning in its eyes, the beast roared and started building up a flame ready to head in Kaia’s direction. “You know what Crackus will do to you if you kill me,” Kaia smiled, the beast understood and put out the flame burning inside. The beast moved closer to Kaia, they were so close the beast face was almost touching hers. Kaia smiled at him “You can always surrender old friend, let me help you.” The beast roared, the fire burned in Kaia’s eyes, she had his answer.

**************

Each commander brought forth a selection of their best men for Tristan to choose from, he and five other men would ride out and try and discover anything they could about the beast that was attacking them. The people seemed hopeful because they had not seen or heard anything of the beast since it attacked the town of Lightthorpe but Tristan knew that it would be back and another town would fall prey to the beast’s destruction. For this task Tristan wanted to choose the ones who were fast as time was not on their side, the best fighters were needed as there were other dangers in the world and these men needed to survive to tell of any information they may gather. Each of the men had recommendations from his commanding officer and they were all ready to serve their king and complete this task.

Tristan considered each man carefully and chose his five for the task. Tristan and the five men chosen gathered around a map each discussed how they thought each are should be split up and they also knew that some places had been untraveled by his people so there would be uncharted land they may have to go through. Taking each mans skills into consideration such as the best climber would be suitable with areas of mountain land, the best tracker would be more suitable for a lot of forest and so on. When it was decided who would be travelling where they all spent the night planning, saying their goodbyes to their families and whatever other preparation they needed to do.

Tristan was in the palace war room studying his section of the map and deciding which route through the area may be best to start. These are places that he had never been before so he would be learning a lot for himself about the world as well as the vital information he needed for his people. Tristan had spent his life in Adena, his father had never allowed him to travel anywhere else as he was an only child and so King Atreyus’ only heir but now this was his chance to see new places and to prove to his father that he was no child and that he could protect his people.

The doors of the war room sounded like thunder as they opened, Tristan looked up to see Tidas entering the room with the same grim expression he had always worn. “You should be resting boy; you’ve got a lot of ground to travel.” Tidas kept walking closer to Tristan, “I’m not tired, there is too much to think about.” Tidas grunted and now standing on the opposite side of the table to Tristan he looked down at the map and sighed. “You will have to learn boy that sleep is the most important weapon you have, a well rested soldier has a better chance of survival than one without rest. You may not think you are tired but you don’t know when you are next going to be able to sleep and you are now going to be leaving the safety of the palace for the dangers of the world with no one there to watch your back, so sleep while you can.”

Tidas turned and walked back towards the door, “and good luck boy.” Tristan smiled, “Thank you old man.” Tidas returned a smile which Tristan could not see. When Tidas had left the room he agreed that the old man had a point and decided to go and try to get some sleep, so he left the war room and headed for his chamber still thinking on his way.

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Friday, April 16, 2010
Same Old, Same Old

My life is just the same old story it always has been, i may have have a few changes..got a job, finally paid off my overdraft. But i still seem to be stuck in this same hole. I live with my mother and her husband which is a nightmare..so ive signed on with Gentoo Housing to try and get a flat, because they are both driving me insane, arguing..or the long arkward silence, slamming of doors, him huffing and puffing and everything, he moans about anything, the only comfort i have in the house are the kittens.

Somehow i thought that i i got a job it would be helpful in getting a life, how wrong i was, i have the job and still no life which is my own fault. I am shy and bad at socializing, i cant go out because i have no friends to go out with and find it extremely pathetic i i go out myself, so like i said stuck in the same hole.

I keep saying im going to diet and then again buying junk, all i eat at work is junk because of being too lazy to make a sandwitch on a morning before i start.

At least i have something to look forward to, im off to disneyland with my sisters in september, maybe that will help me forget about my hole for a week and allow me just to have fun. I also have tried to start a story, hopefully if i can it will be a series of stories. The series is called Dragon, the individually story titles will come later. This also allows me tio remove myself from this world and go into another.

Monday, March 08, 2010
unhappily ever after

OK, so its been a long while since i last posted here are some summary points on my life since.

1. Mother and Her Husband spilt up.i we moved out, got quite a nice house and i was a little happier.

2. I finally got a job....i mean its not the most ultimate dream job but i do enjoy it, an dit gives me money which is what i need.

3. mother and her husband made up and got back together so we had to give up the house and move back in with him. the unhappiess started to fill back.

4. its happening all over again, their arguments and fights, me having to hear it all and not being able to sleep.

-sigh-

i will post more later that was just a quick update. i have to get to work.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Laptop .x. News .x. Kitten

SERIOUSLY??????

After paying 90 fucking pound in January for my laptop to get fixed..new harddrive and shit..now the god damn LCD screen is broke, so i can hear the laptop load up and work but i cant see it. I HAVE NO JOB....so i cant afford to fix it yet again. So i cant do some shit because the programs i need like photoshop are on my laptop and the versions i have dont fucking work on Vista so i cant put them on my comp. I hope that someone gives me a god damn job soon, or im just gonna...

Anyway a little good news i supose i have a phone interview with vodafone tomorrow morning, and a interview on thursday with New Look, so fingers crossed for those. I have heard nothing from PC World, as i had an interview with thekm last week...dfs rejected me..blah blah blah. I mean come on, i am not completely useless...so someone please employ me.

Oh yeah im now back at home and mother and her husband have made up and all happy again...rar..they are really starting to bug me. And appentley he is letting her get a kitten, we all get to go and choose it at the weekend, and i hate them.. i have begged and begged them to let me get one, and i mean im gonna pay for it and look after it, they dont need to do fuck all, it may make my lonely existance..a little less lonely...and he hates animals but now to make her stay happy and not argue, she is allowed one. I will work on mother and she can work on him to try and get myself one too.

Sunday, September 13, 2009
Alone .x. Shit .x. Death

WOW FINALLY you say SHE'S ACTUALLY DOING AN UPDATE. Yes here i am, come to share my life. my thoughts.

“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone"

First off it was my birthday a couple of weeks ago so i am now 22, yey the joy of growing older. Another birthday sitting alone in my room, i have no joy left in me to celebrate birthdays anymore. I put a smile on for my family, let them say their happy birthdays to me. I wish i could rewind time and return to the happier birthdays of my childhood, back in those carefree days. I feel too low and tired to even try and be around people now, i feel like ive given up. Sometimes even talking to people online, on msn, hexrpg, etc, used to make me feel less alone. But now that dosn't even help so much any more. Most days now i dont feel like going on Hex, soon it may end up one of those forgotten websites, like many others before it.

“Tears are words the heart can't express”

Im currently staying at my sisters, im house and cat sitting. So i get to be more alone. But yesterday my mother txt me saying she was coming to stay with me, to get away from George [her husband] and his kids. As if i havent got to deal with enough of my own problems, she wants to come and lay all of hers on me. I already have to deal with her and her husband when im at home, all the arguing and crap. I thought two weeks away, staying at my sisters i wont have to put up with it all. So i sent a huge txt back telling her, no she is not coming here, im her daughter and i shouldnt have to put up with her problems. Running away is something she seems to like to do, shes done it a few times, gone and stayed with my aunt and stuff when they have argued. Once they just went 3 months without speaking to each other. I sometimes wonder why they even got married at all. They were just as bad before they did get married. With all the crap i have to put up with from them and stuff in my own life its a wonder im not in therapy...i just feel like crying a lot of the time.

I wish i could move out, but being jobless i cant afford too. My other two sisters got out as fast as they could, my youngest went to live with my dad..i wish i could do that but he has enough worries of his own without dealing we me. My oldest well she has her own flat, which im currently watching while she is away. With all the bad relationships and divorces in my family its not fucking wonder i stay in my shell and have given up on being around people. I feel like it hurts less to be alone then to try and be hurt by the possibility of being left alone.

“Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.”

Im going to a funeral tomorrow, before i had completely given up on people i went out with my sister and some of her friends, and there was this girl Sophie, she was great, really nice..i mean i only met her a few times but she was one person i felt i wished i knew better. When we went out she always tried to get me out of my shell, dance, be happy..im afraid her efforts didnt work so much, sometimes i wish they had. But i liked her, she died last saturday, im not sure how, i just know she had some health problems. She was 24 years old, it makes yo feel like you can be taken at any time, but she enjoyed the life she lived, my heart does go to her partner Michael and her family. The light she has left in people will never go out.

“The tears fall, they're so easy to wipe off onto my sleeve, but how do I erase the stain from my heart?”

Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Cinderella/Stardust - The Dustland Fairytale (Music Video)

I made another music video, it uses clips from the movies Cinderella and Stardust and the music is The Dustland Fairytale by The Killers. With text from a poem called Fairytale Love by an unknown author. I made this video for Hex, for a contest. So enjoy..x

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Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Call Centres...Yuck!!

So today i have this interview/meeting thing for a position at a call centre and i hate call centres but i really need a job so if i get offerd the job i'll take it. I can always look for other jobs while im working there, it gives me money that all i need right now. So i'll have to take off my black nai varnish and dress up smart...lol...and *fingers crossed*

I'm almost finish the first book in The Sword Of Truth series by Terry Goodkind, the first book is called Wizards First Rule and i LOVE IT...i watched the series Legend Of The Seeker which is based on this series of books, and i love the series, but the book is so much better, but then again books always are. The series has Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert involved and its great coz random actors that were in Xena just keep popping up..lol yeah anyway so i cant wait to get onto the second book.

I started playing the Prince Of Persia: Sands Of Time again, i stopped before coz i got stuck and couldn't be bothered...but i seem to be flying through it this time, i so need to get a ps3 cos i really wanna play the new one, it looks amazing.

anyway, not much else has been going on in my life, still borng as usual..lol..spending most of my time on Hex.....so i'll update if all goes well at this interview thing...xx