When will it look up?

I keep waiting for all this shit just to diappear, you know and for life to just a little bit look up, something, anything. After losing my job i just feel like i cant breath, like im suffocating. I cant afford to go anywhere, i have no friends to help me take my mind off it. 2 months and still no luck with the job searching, i sit in my room all the time, with mother and her husband constantly at each others throats, and mother keeps moaning to me, 'oh im so depressed, oh i feel like killing myself, im just meant to suffer, im just meant to be alone,' blah blah blah, i just nod and leave because if i speak i feel like im going to yell and scream at her, like 'you not the only one with fucking problems' i just dont know how much more of her i can take. Im waiting on gentoo for a flat, but even if i get one, i cant afford anything I Will get housing benifits for the rent, but food, gas, electricity? but you know i can suffer those anything to get out of here.

i just dont know what to do, everything is so hard, and i know moaning about it wont help, but i just feel like crying all of the time. When i got my job in October, things were looking up for the first time in a while, i was getting happier, my confidence was building up, and i was good at my job, i enjoyed it, but fate would have me feel misrable instead, the boss had to close down his barrow here, and so i was out of a job, and back to square one, everything the happy place, the confidence, everything just lost, and i feel like im falling and no one is going to catch me, and im just going no where, just an endless darkness

i was also losing weight which for me was a great thing that was also helping my happiness and confidence, but again when i lost my job, i started to eat, all of the crap that i stopped and now the weight is coming back on and .... i just need some light at the end of this tunnel, something to help me get back on the right track, someone to give me a chance at a job.

I can really only take so much.

20:15 ·